It is 7:00 in the evening, and I have pretty much been sitting in the same spot since 9:00 this morning. Oh, I got up to go to the bathroom and get coffee (not in that order), and at some point during the afternoon I realized I hadn’t eaten, so I made a sandwich. Other than that, I’ve been sitting here. Working.
A couple of days ago, a dear friend sent me some information on an organization which specializes in matching Christian manuscripts with Christian publishers. It costs money to even submit to them – whether you are even chosen for their list or not. Did that raise red flags for you? Yeah…me too, initially. But I am not only going on the first-hand knowledge of my friend’s friend, I also did my homework. They’re legit. Several big publishing houses swear by them. So, all of this came about on Sunday. The same day I watched Joseph: King of Dreams. The same day the sermon in church included this: “Real fulfillment comes through living by God’s power — by praying, by taking risks to obey God, and by not giving up.”
So what am I saying? Am I saying God cares about my publishing career? Am I saying that I need to keep trying to get published, in order to obey God? Am I saying that God doesn’t want me to give up on this?
And that’s difficult for me. I feel weird saying that, because I know that someone out there is going to think, “Well, she thinks highly of herself, doesn’t she?” No, actually, I don’t. Sometimes I could probably stand to think a little more highly of myself, in fact. But I do think highly of my Lord, and His calling for my life.
Here’s what I haven’t been saying for the past two days or, well, ever… God has a big plan for my life. Does that mean I’ll be a big time, best selling author who revolutionizes the world? Maybe, but not necessarily. In fact, it’s difficult for me to imagine – no matter how much I love that idea. Is something I write going to influence someone who mentors someone who revolutionizes the world? Well, that’s probably getting warmer. I don’t know! All I know for sure is that God has been laying it on my heart lately that I need to want big things, expect big things, and work towards big things. All for His glory.
Spending money for this slight chance feels pretty risky right now. But how can I not in light of all of this? Actually, it would be easy for me to let me pass this by, but Kelly told me to do it. Just so you know, Kelly’s typical response to most publishing-related things is, “Whatever you think is best.” Not because he doesn’t care. He does. But he genuinely means it. He will support me in my decision – whatever I think is best. Not only that, when it comes to money, he is almost always going to err on the side of caution. His response when I mentioned this to him? “Do it.” That was huge for me. That was not him telling his wife what she wanted to hear. That was him discerning the situation and listening to what God was telling him.
So is this it? Is this the moment I am discovered? Once again, not necessarily. And once again, it’s actually difficult for me to imagine. But there is some reason for this. Maybe it’s just to keep me from giving up. Maybe I needed to take a risk. (Although I really believe I’ve taken a few risks to obey God already. Wasn’t that whole giving up my career thing pretty risky?) Or maybe I just need to finally buckle down and write a full synopsis – which was required for this submission and which I had been avoiding like the plague. If that’s the case, I wouldn’t have minded it not costing quite so much, but I don’t suppose that’s up to me.